Carol stands centre-stage and Sarah enters stage-left hiding a cornflakes packet behind her back. The box is covered over with the label 'Nothing!'
Sarah: You'll never guess what I've found.
Carol: A good hairdresser.
Sarah: Nope.
Carol: No, I didn't think so. A winning lottery ticket?
Sarah: Y... (Looks around at audience and thinks better of it). No.
Carol: The lost ark of the covenant?
Sarah: Don't be silly.
Carol: OK, a trans-dimensional breach in the fabric of the space-time continuum that threatens to explode at any moment and turn us all into blancmange.
Sarah: That was last week.
Carol: Oh, yes, silly me.
Sarah: Do you give up?
Carol: Yes.
Sarah: Then close your eyes and hold out your hands. Come on, close them. There you go. (She puts the packet in Carol's hands). Well, what do you think?
Monday, 8 February 2010
Friday, 5 February 2010
Changing worlds
God said through Hosea, 'At that time I will make a new covenant with all the wild animals and birds, so that they will not harm my people. I will also remove all weapons of war from the land, all swords and bows, and will let my people live in peace and safety.' Hosea 2:18 (GNB). God has it in his power to do all that and he will do so when the time is right. How much more can God change us and work through us to bring about change?
Levi, also known as Matthew, had his life completely changed around by God. Jesus took him from being a tax collector, a collaborator with the Roman occupiers, and made him one of the twelve disciples.
Paul wrote to the Christians in Corinth: 'You are a letter from Christ, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.' 2 Corinthians 3:3 (NIV). We are letters from Christ to those around us - living, breathing testimonies to the changing power of the Spirit of God.
Change is possible even if it is difficult and change is worth it, if the need is there.
When my wife and I moved house, we knew the new place needed work but when we got the keys and saw it without furniture we realised just how much. It was depressing. Then our stuff turned up and we covered over the worst bits, lived there a while, got used to it and things settled down. It was OK. Perhaps it wasn't so bad after all. Meanwhile, we stripped back our bedroom to nothing and redecorated.
I have to say, when they do the same thing on TV it all seems fun and exciting. I suspect that's because then it only takes half an hour rather than a month or two. And for a lot of that time our bedroom looked worse than before we started but when we'd finished, walking through the doorway was liking stepping into someone else's house. We hadn't altered anything beyond recognition but everything was fresh and welcoming and functional. The contrast was so great it was hard to remember where we were.
It's up to us - each of us - to work out what changes need to be made to the world around us, to allow them to go ahead, to follow them through. I don't have all the answers. I don't know how to change things for the better or even exactly what needs changed. But between us, we do. With God's help we can achieve what needs to be done, despite the difficulty, and the results will be astonishing.
Levi, also known as Matthew, had his life completely changed around by God. Jesus took him from being a tax collector, a collaborator with the Roman occupiers, and made him one of the twelve disciples.
Paul wrote to the Christians in Corinth: 'You are a letter from Christ, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.' 2 Corinthians 3:3 (NIV). We are letters from Christ to those around us - living, breathing testimonies to the changing power of the Spirit of God.
Change is possible even if it is difficult and change is worth it, if the need is there.
When my wife and I moved house, we knew the new place needed work but when we got the keys and saw it without furniture we realised just how much. It was depressing. Then our stuff turned up and we covered over the worst bits, lived there a while, got used to it and things settled down. It was OK. Perhaps it wasn't so bad after all. Meanwhile, we stripped back our bedroom to nothing and redecorated.
I have to say, when they do the same thing on TV it all seems fun and exciting. I suspect that's because then it only takes half an hour rather than a month or two. And for a lot of that time our bedroom looked worse than before we started but when we'd finished, walking through the doorway was liking stepping into someone else's house. We hadn't altered anything beyond recognition but everything was fresh and welcoming and functional. The contrast was so great it was hard to remember where we were.
It's up to us - each of us - to work out what changes need to be made to the world around us, to allow them to go ahead, to follow them through. I don't have all the answers. I don't know how to change things for the better or even exactly what needs changed. But between us, we do. With God's help we can achieve what needs to be done, despite the difficulty, and the results will be astonishing.
Thursday, 4 February 2010
...the more things stay the same.
Seats are set out in diagonal rows like pews. The minister stands side-on to the audience; Ellie and Rachel are positioned in seats where they can be seen; anyone else takes up space in the pews, listening attentively, sleeping, doodling, etc. At the start of the sketch, everyone awake is standing with a hymn book.
Minister: Amen. Please be seated. (Everyone else sits down). Let us continue with a prayer. Heavenly father, hear us now as we call out to you in need and want and despair. Hear us as we... (Minister continues in mime).
Ellie: Well, that's it, God doesn't love me any more.
Rachel: Why do you think that?
Ellie: My finger hurts.
Rachel: Sorry?
Ellie: I think I strained it picking my teeth during that last hymn.
Rachel: So God doesn't love you any more?
Ellie: Abandoned me, hasn't he?
Rachel: Don't you think you're over-reacting a little?
Ellie: This is only the beginning, isn't it? It starts off with a sore finger, then I break my arm, I fall ill, I sell my birthright for a bowl of stew, my head drops off, my friends disown me, my brothers leave me to die in a cistern, my husband runs off with a belly-dancer, a plague of locusts lands on my head, my house burns down and some Italians cart me off to feed to the lions.
Minister: Amen. (He begins to mime reading from the Bible).
All: Amen.
Ellie: It's always the same.
Rachel: It is?
Ellie: It's happened to everyone I know. Well, maybe the thing about my head dropping off was a bit of an exaggeration, but it's only a matter of time. I'll be a martyr before the year is out, just mark my words.
Rachel: You're... You're probably right. (Turns away).
Ellie: Well, yes, and where will God be by then? That's what I want to know. There's... What did you say?
Rachel: I said you're probably right. They're bound to have you rounded up by Christmas. Don't worry - I'm sure they'll make it quick.
Ellie: Hang on a minute.
Rachel: They always pick the most miserable Christians first. It's safer. I mean, God can't love them very much if they're miserable, can he?
Ellie: What? The minister's more miserable than I am. (She jumps up). Hallelujah! (She sits down again and the minister glares at her). See!
Rachel: It'll probably be good for you in the long run. The rest of us will just have to struggle on, I suppose, with our sore fingers, broken arms, broken promises, broken relationships, illnesses, burdens, guilt, shame, tiredness and fear. Doesn't seem fair, really, does it?
Ellie: Erm... What are talking about?
Rachel: Suddenly you'll be there! Right there in the presence of God, firmly wrapped in his love.
Ellie: That'll be a change.
Rachel: Oh, you'd be surprised. I don't think that will be very different at all. How's your finger? (Freeze).
Minister: Amen. Please be seated. (Everyone else sits down). Let us continue with a prayer. Heavenly father, hear us now as we call out to you in need and want and despair. Hear us as we... (Minister continues in mime).
Ellie: Well, that's it, God doesn't love me any more.
Rachel: Why do you think that?
Ellie: My finger hurts.
Rachel: Sorry?
Ellie: I think I strained it picking my teeth during that last hymn.
Rachel: So God doesn't love you any more?
Ellie: Abandoned me, hasn't he?
Rachel: Don't you think you're over-reacting a little?
Ellie: This is only the beginning, isn't it? It starts off with a sore finger, then I break my arm, I fall ill, I sell my birthright for a bowl of stew, my head drops off, my friends disown me, my brothers leave me to die in a cistern, my husband runs off with a belly-dancer, a plague of locusts lands on my head, my house burns down and some Italians cart me off to feed to the lions.
Minister: Amen. (He begins to mime reading from the Bible).
All: Amen.
Ellie: It's always the same.
Rachel: It is?
Ellie: It's happened to everyone I know. Well, maybe the thing about my head dropping off was a bit of an exaggeration, but it's only a matter of time. I'll be a martyr before the year is out, just mark my words.
Rachel: You're... You're probably right. (Turns away).
Ellie: Well, yes, and where will God be by then? That's what I want to know. There's... What did you say?
Rachel: I said you're probably right. They're bound to have you rounded up by Christmas. Don't worry - I'm sure they'll make it quick.
Ellie: Hang on a minute.
Rachel: They always pick the most miserable Christians first. It's safer. I mean, God can't love them very much if they're miserable, can he?
Ellie: What? The minister's more miserable than I am. (She jumps up). Hallelujah! (She sits down again and the minister glares at her). See!
Rachel: It'll probably be good for you in the long run. The rest of us will just have to struggle on, I suppose, with our sore fingers, broken arms, broken promises, broken relationships, illnesses, burdens, guilt, shame, tiredness and fear. Doesn't seem fair, really, does it?
Ellie: Erm... What are talking about?
Rachel: Suddenly you'll be there! Right there in the presence of God, firmly wrapped in his love.
Ellie: That'll be a change.
Rachel: Oh, you'd be surprised. I don't think that will be very different at all. How's your finger? (Freeze).
Wednesday, 3 February 2010
Church of Scotland RIP?
No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment. If he does, the new piece will pull away from the old, making the tear worse. And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the wine will burst the skins, and both the wine and the wineskins will be ruined. No, he pours new wine into new wineskins. Mark 2:21-22 (NIV)I was walking through town one time when I was stopped by two men. I thought they were going to ask for directions but no, they introduced themselves as Christians and invited me along to their church the following Sunday.
I thought this was a brave thing for them to do and I meant to say to them, 'Thanks very much. I'm a Christian too. Good work but I can't stop, I'm in a hurry. God bless you and all you're doing. Go in peace. Bye.'
That's what I meant to say.
What I in fact said was, 'Actually I'm a member of the Church of Scotland.'
Big mistake. I could have been there all night.
As far as they were concerned, the Church of Scotland is dead and they were very keen to tell me so. If I was a Christian and I attended the Church of Scotland then my only hope was to escape - to leave as quickly as possible, since God had done so quite a long time ago. One of them quoted the passage from Mark about not pouring new wine into old wineskins.
If you fill a new wineskin with new wine, the skin will stretch as the wine expands with age. If you then drink the wine and fill the skin with more new wine, the skin won't have any spare give to it and will burst, ruining everything. What Jesus was saying was that his teaching had a freshness to it which couldn't be contained by the Jewish law and its tired old interpretation - the interpretation of the law was to be assessed on the basis of the new insight he brought and the insight wasn't be contained by what had gone before.
So why did this guy I met in the street go on about wineskins?
His point was that he believed the Church of Scotland has turned the good news of Jesus into laws and regulations and fingerpointing and that there is no way back. Everything is ruined.
Not very encouraging. And not true either. We still have a great deal to offer as individuals, as congregations, as a denomination within the wider Christian church. We have a vast reserve of spiritual experience and much to tell the world about Christ, about the joy and pain of being Christ's followers. As with all the other branches of his people, God is still here, eager to meet with us, eager to hear our needs, comfort us, strengthen us, challenge us and be at the centre of our lives.
True, things could be better. The resources are dwindling, the numbers are falling, most of my generation isn't here. Something needs to change - perhaps lots of things do. To some extent, the guy was right. The Church of Scotland may not be dead but terminal decline may have set in. Something needs to change.
It's not enough just to patch things up, it's not enough to do things the way they've always been done but with extra urgency. We need to look at Jesus' life and teachings with fresh hearts.
And God will breathe new life into us that all can see.
Tuesday, 2 February 2010
Momentum doesn't have to win
Change is difficult but change is possible and change is worth it.
Change is difficult, it really is. Sometimes the past seems almost inescapable. Here's an example. Have you ever wondered why the distance between the two rails of a railway line is four feet, eight and a half inches? No? You probably didn't even know that they're that far apart but now you do. And doesn't it strike you as odd that when they were first laying down railway track someone went, 'Hmmm.... Let me see. Yes, four feet, eight and half inches, that'll be convenient.'
Why were they built like that? Well, one theory has it that it's because they were built by the same people who built the tramways used in coal mines.
So why were the tramways built like that?
To fit the wagons.
And why were the wagons built with that wheel-spacing?
Because wagons were built to match the spacing of the wheel ruts on some of the old, long distance roads. Otherwise, their wheels would break while using those roads.
Okay. Are you still with me? Who built those roads.
Who else but the Romans. And what made the ruts in the road? Well, the war chariots of Imperial Rome were all built to the same specifications - a wheel-spacing of four feet, eight and a half inches - just wide enough to fit the rear ends of two war horses.
So next time you're on a train and find it a bit cramped just remember it may be because over two thousand years ago a craftsman in Italy looked at the rear ends of two horses and went. Yes! This big.
A different theory has it that the spacing has been roughly the same for even longer, dating back to the time of sledges before the invention of the wheel. Another reckons that Stephenson really did just happen to find the spacing convenient when he was first working on steam power and by the time anyone else took an interest, he'd laid enough track that few could be bothered arguing...
Whatever the reason, though, we're stuck with a way of doing things for little other reason than that's the way they've always been done.
Maybe.
Change is difficult... but not impossible. We can find all kinds of excuses and reasons for why things are done the way they are but even in the example I've just given things could be different. Brunel built bigger railways that were more comfortable, they were just more expensive and never caught on. The past might seem inescapable sometimes but it isn't. Change might be difficult but it's not impossible.
Change is difficult, it really is. Sometimes the past seems almost inescapable. Here's an example. Have you ever wondered why the distance between the two rails of a railway line is four feet, eight and a half inches? No? You probably didn't even know that they're that far apart but now you do. And doesn't it strike you as odd that when they were first laying down railway track someone went, 'Hmmm.... Let me see. Yes, four feet, eight and half inches, that'll be convenient.'
Why were they built like that? Well, one theory has it that it's because they were built by the same people who built the tramways used in coal mines.
So why were the tramways built like that?
To fit the wagons.
And why were the wagons built with that wheel-spacing?
Because wagons were built to match the spacing of the wheel ruts on some of the old, long distance roads. Otherwise, their wheels would break while using those roads.
Okay. Are you still with me? Who built those roads.
Who else but the Romans. And what made the ruts in the road? Well, the war chariots of Imperial Rome were all built to the same specifications - a wheel-spacing of four feet, eight and a half inches - just wide enough to fit the rear ends of two war horses.
So next time you're on a train and find it a bit cramped just remember it may be because over two thousand years ago a craftsman in Italy looked at the rear ends of two horses and went. Yes! This big.
A different theory has it that the spacing has been roughly the same for even longer, dating back to the time of sledges before the invention of the wheel. Another reckons that Stephenson really did just happen to find the spacing convenient when he was first working on steam power and by the time anyone else took an interest, he'd laid enough track that few could be bothered arguing...
Whatever the reason, though, we're stuck with a way of doing things for little other reason than that's the way they've always been done.
Maybe.
Change is difficult... but not impossible. We can find all kinds of excuses and reasons for why things are done the way they are but even in the example I've just given things could be different. Brunel built bigger railways that were more comfortable, they were just more expensive and never caught on. The past might seem inescapable sometimes but it isn't. Change might be difficult but it's not impossible.
Monday, 1 February 2010
Change
...you are a letter from Christ... written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts. 2 Corinthians 3:3(NIV)Heavenly father,
You are the unchanging changer. Your love and your faithfulness never fail. In the beginning you were here and you made all things. At the end of time you will still be here. You are with us every moment of our lives, guiding us, caring for us and sharing with us. We take our strength from you, our wisdom from you, our peace from you. You are the unchanging, unshakeable core at the centre of our existences.
You are unchanging but you change us. You turn our fear into trust, our hatred into love, our bitterness into forgiveness. And it hurts. We don't like looking at our faults, we don't like the effort that goes into putting them right but... because you say so, father, we will change. All our weaknesses are your opportunities. Make us afresh.
We look forward to the day when you're going to change everything. The day when your glory, justice and mercy will be obvious to everyone, the day when wars end and all your people will live in peace and safety with you. We look forward to the day when you change us fully into the people we were always meant to be.
Why can't it be now?
But because you say so, father, we will wait.
In the meantime, we will be and do all that we can. Your Spirit has written upon our hearts. We carry your message to the world. The message of your love. Love made human in Jesus and explained in the wonder of his life.
Father, change us through that unchanging love and use us to change the world.
Amen.
Thursday, 28 January 2010
Party Animals IV - The Big One
(Based on Matthew 22:1-14)
Jerusalem, 33AD. Charioteer Josh and actress Star run into each other one last time, on the Sunday after an eventful Passover...
The scene is an empty party. There is some music playing quietly. Chris stands at the back, while Star stands centre-stage and shuffles aimlessly to the music. Josh enters at the back.
JOSH: Starlight? What're you doing here?
STARLIGHT: (still shuffling) What does it look like I'm doing?
JOSH: Dancing on your own?
STARLIGHT: If I wanted a dance partner, I wouldn't have any difficulty finding one. I never do.
JOSH: There's no one else here. (He motions towards the back of the stage. Chris smiles and waves but they ignore him. Chris shrugs once the others face forwards).
STARLIGHT: I'm letting the music flow through me while I soak in the atmosphere. (She closes her eyes).
JOSH: What atmosphere?
STARLIGHT: It's very relaxing.
JOSH: Are you listening to me? (He puts his face close to hers).
STARLIGHT: (She opens her eyes, jumps backwards and finally stops dancing). Arghh!
JOSH: You're very tense for a relaxed person.
Jerusalem, 33AD. Charioteer Josh and actress Star run into each other one last time, on the Sunday after an eventful Passover...
The scene is an empty party. There is some music playing quietly. Chris stands at the back, while Star stands centre-stage and shuffles aimlessly to the music. Josh enters at the back.
JOSH: Starlight? What're you doing here?
STARLIGHT: (still shuffling) What does it look like I'm doing?
JOSH: Dancing on your own?
STARLIGHT: If I wanted a dance partner, I wouldn't have any difficulty finding one. I never do.
JOSH: There's no one else here. (He motions towards the back of the stage. Chris smiles and waves but they ignore him. Chris shrugs once the others face forwards).
STARLIGHT: I'm letting the music flow through me while I soak in the atmosphere. (She closes her eyes).
JOSH: What atmosphere?
STARLIGHT: It's very relaxing.
JOSH: Are you listening to me? (He puts his face close to hers).
STARLIGHT: (She opens her eyes, jumps backwards and finally stops dancing). Arghh!
JOSH: You're very tense for a relaxed person.
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